home

I have come to a realisation.

I want to be home, I crave home. But so often I am escaping my home. Because it's not what I want it to be...yet. Not right now. But it's not going to get there if I'm not there. Even sometimes when I'm there, I'm not there. I'm peering into others "there" through a small, driveway-cracked screen. I know I am capable of transforming the clutter, the not quite right yet. But it requires intentionality, and presence. Which is simple, but not easy. But possible, and that's where I'm at right now. Believing it is possible to get things to where I want them to be. 

When I look at what I think I want in other peoples pretty pictures, I know I have all of that and more here, because it is mine. I don't want their there. I really love mine, but I forget that when I am not looking around my own house, holding my own things. Even if that thing is a broom. This is what it takes to make my house a place we want to be, turning my attention towards it.

And isn't that like anything and everything? My girls thrive when I turn my face to them, kneel down to their level. I thrive when my heart's gaze turns to Love. My God, who I so easily forget. That's when everything around here truly falls into right order, stoking the flame inside that keeps me in motion. It really truly surprises me every time when I give my best time, my first moments back to Him. I am here. I am patient, slower to anger, kind. It's almost like I knew it would happen, the love. It's almost like it's been written down somewhere, just for us. 

Today I remembered to put down my phone (on purpose) to give my home my attention. And it didn't feel like work. It felt like love. 







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